Open reading 4

2009 Question 3

Response 3A

Nice introduction. You start with a great diction, using words like potent to show your education, and vary your syntax to keep the reader reading. The way you write allows the sentences to roll off the paper and you do so while sticking to the prompt. Your second paragraph proves the point of the essay by stating the symbol out right: and with language like “this blissful ignorance persevere” the reader is urged to read on. Your next paragraph is full of in text evidence which can become dry to read, but you keep it interesting with your strong diction using the word “rabid” to describe the quest. With unique word choice you are able to keep the reader enthralled in your piece and with solid evidence you prove your point. Overall I think you did a perfect job and the readers did too giving you a 9, great job.

Response 3B

Your directly answer the  prompt in the first sentence of your paper and although it is good to have a strong thesis you may want to add an attention grabbing sentence in the very beginning. Your diction in this piece is basic if you had more time with this essay I would tell you to review some of your word choice like using “appear” twice in one sentence. Although the word choice is simple you do a great job at demonstrating your knowledge of the symbol (lamp shade) and how it relates to the theme and characters of the book. I like your choice of the word “fantastical” but it implies that it is unreal so you do not need to say “fantastical and unreal”. Your paragraph explaining the back story to the lamp shade sticks with the prompt and you do a great job explaining it. Overall you did good job I think with an opportunity for editing you would have a top natch paper, the reader gave you a 6 which i think is a bit low but they have valid points like your introduction.

Response 3C

Your first sentence does not draw me in; by saying "pride and strength and power" you do not hold yourself to the college level of writing. It is important to keep literature in present tense so "carried" should be carries. The symbol of power stays close to the prompt. But your thesis sentence is unclear and you could increase this essay with a higher diction. Also white men are known as Caucasians today. Besides this fact your second paragraph is okay but you need to relate it back to the prompt. So is the machete a symbol or does it hold magical powers? I am not sure in the third paragraph about women. Many times you start a quote from the book but do not explain it further. Overall this is a poor essay and you should focus on the prompt, maybe read it multiple times while you are writing the essay. The readers agree with me by giving you a 4 and noting that you need to elaborate on ideas you have.