You start your response off on a sour note by noting the use of diction and syntax directly. This is not a new technique used by the author, all writers choose their words and order. As you continue to respond you often recycle words and ideas, like when you describe the hawk as “bold” and note the landscape’s “boldness” in the same paragraph. Next you go on to say that syntax is used by Warren “to convey mood, meaning, and scene.” which would be okay if you followed this with an explanation but instead you just talk about the hawk’s swiftness and briefly mention their being no paragraphs. You do not mention the mood at all in this passage except to say that it is elegant, but what do you feel when you read the poem? You also miss the main point of the poem, it is suppose to be a dark poem, not majestic, and you do not mention the human’s role except to say that he admires the hawk. The human has a much bigger role in this poem than admiring the hawk, you should talk more in depth about him.
This essay does an okay job of telling us about the use of diction and syntax within the text but fails to explain how it affects the story as a whole or a certain theme. Ana, I agree with everything you say. I like how you talk about exactly how the essay did not match up with criteria of the question that was asked. My only advice would be, at the end of your post you said "The human has a much bigger role in this poem than admiring the hawk, you should talk more in depth about him." Even though, you may not have read the story, I would have given some options on HOW the writer can talk more in depth about him.
ReplyDeleteLilly's right, Ana. Pointing out flaws is only half of the battle, and if the writer read your post, he or she would definitely want to know how to improve the essay, not just "Oh hey yeah nice try, but this sucked."
ReplyDeleteI did think the essay's discussion of syntax and diction was quite valid, as the writer makes good points. The problem, then, was that he or she didn't tie it into meaning much. This basically fits with what you guys have identified already.